Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
