We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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