Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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