She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
