is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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