everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
