problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
