So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
