do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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