your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
