I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
