Dual....:-)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
