morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
