Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
