Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
