The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
