Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
