Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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