hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
