yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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