My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
