Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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