But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
