Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
