I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
