shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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