I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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