My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
