so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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