I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
