I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
