i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
