Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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