im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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