Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
