I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
