Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
