I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
