don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
