Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
