i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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