So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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