New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
