guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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