Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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