Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
