So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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