theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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