Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
