Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
