There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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