Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
