I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
