Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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