i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
