I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
