ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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