The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
