He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found puke in my bra..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
