ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
