Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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