i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't deserve a penis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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